my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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