Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
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so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
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You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize