Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
should my penis look like a turkey
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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