like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize