I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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