I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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