tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
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No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
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I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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