And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize