and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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