I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
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he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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