I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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