i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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