Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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