a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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