I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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