Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
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But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
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I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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