just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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