Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
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