it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
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Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
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ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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