our cab driver is having phone sex.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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