I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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