It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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