I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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