Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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