ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize