he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
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There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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