Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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