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and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
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