i just had sex bonerless
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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