YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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