i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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