Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
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You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
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We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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