She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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