Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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