Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize