i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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