I'm pants shitting drunk right now
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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