Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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