Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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