do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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