You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
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I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
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The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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