I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize