I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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