I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggles of a small town man whore
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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