I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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