Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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