....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Panties = found
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize