Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
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RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
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I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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