I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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