Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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